Some Kind Of Monster (Inside Me)

Whew, this must be my longest break in writing this blog. Don’t think I’ve given up, though. I may have given up on myself on occasions during these long months. But it’s not my fault. I have an alien growing inside me. An alien that drains me of energy and nutrients and has changed my physiology and behavior totally. In a few months, it will break out of my body violently….

No, not this 😀 … (photo source)
THIS !! ❤ ❤

I’m pregnant – how weird is that !! ?? !!

Sooo. That is why I haven’t been around. I had a crazy last year and had already exhausted my resources with trying to finish personal training studies, fitness coach studies and continue my nutrition coach Level 2 studies with Precision Nutrition. And then we got the best Christmas present we could ever hope for with my husband. A positive pregnancy test.

I’m going to be frank. This baby was kinda pre-ordered. And really longed for. I had been diagnosed with infertility and anovulation issues already almost 10 years ago before my adrenal insufficiency diagnosis. I knew getting pregnant would be an issue and after trying for a few months I went to new round of tests and the problem was still there. So our only option was infertility treatments. I’ll maybe write more later if I have time and energy. But in short, our little baby was a result of ovulation induction and insemination treatment. But we succeeded ❤ ❤ . And after all the troubles we went through last year, at least we could both be sure we really wanted to build a family together – without the strong drive it would have been easy to give up after months and months of negative tests and disappointments.

Leo Kristian is expected due 23th August ❤ ❤

This year has been a total roller coaster of mixed emotions and hardships that have lead to me being on looooong sick leave again since end of Feb, and it will continue til the start of my maternity leave. Both my physical and mental wellbeing have really been tested but I’m still here. If not kicking and going strong, then at least limping and crawling my way through. The reason why I didn’t write this blog was because of the horrible tiredness, brain fog and depression from my problems. I hope that now as summer is coming and it seems I’ve been through the worst life can throw upon me I will have more strength and energy to write about how I’m doing and what this pregnancy has been and is like – there isn’t much information about adrenal insufficiency / Addison pregnancies around.  Sadly, not in the hospitals either and OB/GYNs are quite oblivious about us as patients.

I’ve been able to work out through the pregnancy so far and that has probably kept me from going totally insane. I’m tired as hell and have to rest most of the day – I sleep about 10-14 hours (!) and then lie down most of the time awake as well, but have managed to lift weights 2-4 times per week. My aerobic fitness is probably quite awful right now, though…

From small…
…to a bit bigger baby bump

What else have I done? At the beginning of this year I actually felt better, had no nausea and I was taking more cortisone to be able to do my work and finish my fitness coach studies. I was dancing at the edge of total exhaustion, though, and the crash at the end of February was probably unavoidable and should have been seen already on January. I just tried to be a good doctor, good student, and lots of things that my body just couldn’t handle. But I did manage to push through on my studies and am now an official FITNESS COACH by Finnish Fitness Alliance! 🙂

Me with Finnish Fitness Alliances chairman KP Ourama whos also a distinguished IFBBs international judge, and executive manager Ville Isola 🙂
Hanna Saario placed 6th last year on IFBB World Championships body fitness categorie, shes a great gal, personal trainer and sister of my med school classmate :). 
Hanna is an exemplary athlete, and my idol in being an exemplary mother as well ! ❤

I’m happy and excited to find new fitness & physique coaching opportunities as soon as I get well again…and manage my health and taking care of my baby, of course 🙂 . I currently have one athlete I coach who is aiming at competing in wellness fitness in near future. She has made great progress already! From posing lessons to nutrition and different kind of smart and evidence-based training regime. At first her calories were waaayyy too low for a serious female athlete but now after following my instructions her progress is amazing. From 1500/1100 kcal (training/non-training day) in dieting with less than stellar results, she is now after 4 months maintenance with pre-planned calorie increases dieting with 1650 kcal every day and losing over 0.5% of her body weight every week! I’m hoping to get more athletes in my roster next year and help them shine on stage 🙂 .

I can also now reveal my new fitness team I’m working with – all our coaches and support personnel are simply put awesome persons and all interested in coaching in evidence-based way, athlete’s health and mental wellbeing put first, and focusing on long-term development of our athletes both in sport and as human beings ❤ . Go check out Team Finnish Physique Academy (in Finnish)!!!

Of course, all this wouldn’t have been possible without the support of my husband and my mother, who have taken care of lots of daily chores so I could rest and try to finish my studies despite horrible tiredness from early pregnancy. And they have helped heaps with my dogs… Ups! 🙂

I have a new chihuahua puppy, Maksim !! ❤ ❤

Little Maksim at 5 weeks ❤
This is Maksim at 8 weeks in Easter ❤

Franz and Maksim were best buddies from first evening 🙂 ❤

Maksim moved to live with us this Easter. I love him so, so much – he’s such a good and very calm boy, very unlike Franz who was a complete rascal 😀 . I decided Franz needed company as he’s been a real momma’s boy and now when we have a baby on the way, he is not going to get as much attention as he is used to in the future. It turned out to be an excellent decision, as Franz and our new hairy baby Maksim have been best friends ever since he moved in. I have now more free time as they keep each other company and I can rest more. It’s a win-win!

It’s great my dogs love to sleep as much as I do!

Despite all these wonderful, uplifting things I got really depressed as I couldn’t continue to work anymore as a doctor and and was so tired I missed lots of my nutrition coach studies that still continue, not mentioning not having the energy to even read or see my friends for ages. I just slept and cried. And as I’m pregnant, I didn’t have the luxury of being able to compensate a stressful period in my life by taking extra cortisone as too high a dose could have adverse effects on the developing fetus 😦 . Now I even had to quit using caffeine altogether. So there is nothing that could keep me awake. I also had to quit many of my medications that helped me with being more alert and have energy during the day. I still have had feelings of uselessness and shame because of that. I’ve now talked with my fitness team’s mental coach and it has helped to focus my thinking. Right now I kind of understand that my first priority is to take care of myself and that way also of my baby. But in this society where humans are valued only by how much they work, now after a great last year I can’t help feeling like a failure that I suddenly collapse.

I hope this blog text will be a new start to me, kind of different work instead of paid work-work. If I can help someone to realize they are not alone with adrenal insufficiency, having a difficult pregnancy, wanting to work out and lift heavy things during pregnancy (in a safe and science-backed way, of course), writing this was worth it.

Please comment if there is something you might want me to write about, considering pregnancy (with AI) or resistance training during pregnancy.

Hope to write again a bit sooner, 

xoxo,

Veera

 

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