I seem to be able to write really seldom these days. The matter is I’ve been absolutely overworked and tired. I’ve done my usual consulting physician’s work and started my personal trainer studies, and on top of that had to start renovating an apartment I own and have been renting after a tenant left it in a bad shape… And of course I’ve tried to work out as usual. I had to end my diet last month as I was so tired with all my responsibilities I didn’t see a point in continuing a diet which would be an extra stressor.
I have also been anxious, probably due to all the stress and hurry. I worry about a dozen little things every day and chastise myself for not being efficient enough, smart enough, good enough doctor/athlete/friend/human/etc. I wanted to write about this as I know I’m not by far the only person in the world who feels this way in a modern society where people are valued based on what they do, how they look, how they perform… I’m sorry I don’t have an easy answer how to get rid of these feelings of worthlessness. If I did I wouldn’t see a therapist. My resting heart rate has gone up from 65 to 72 bpm and I wake up frequently in the middle of the night and my sleep seems to be much lighter than normally.
I’ve found some comfort by talking to my friends and other people who also suffer from same problems and by thinking about my core values – what is important to me in life and how can I incorporate things that make me happy into everyday living?
So here’s an impromptu list what I’ll try to add more of to my days:
- Seeing my friends, making new ones and having fun
- Reading more fiction
- Taking long walks with Franz ❤
- Remember to incorporate light, recovery exercise I also enjoy
- Managing my sleep better by getting to bed early enough, taking melatonin and meditating
- Lifting hard and heavy but not too seriously 😉
- Last, but not least – spending time with my man ❤ ❤ (who I see way too rarely)
This is just a phase in my life and right now the amount of stress is huge, but I know things will get better in the long run – in the meantime I have to be more mindful and forgiving to myself. I know I take too much responsibilities and try to manage every aspect of my life and often others’ as well. I have to remind myself I’m only one person and a disabled one on the top of that. If I want to be able to help others I have to start with myself.
xoxo (to myself as well),