Wow, I’m Still Kicking

Well, this turned out to be the longest time away from blogging since I started. A lot has happened during the break. I simply had no energy and drive to write as I once again tried to sort out the mess that’s called my life…

The reasons behind the break – and my breakdown – were numerous.

I broke up with my boyfriend and fiance of four years. It was my decision solely and I feel really bad about it. He’s a great guy and I really wish him all well and hope that one day he can forgive me and even be friends. This just wasn’t meant to be. I really, really tried to make it work but I couldn’t continue and I’m sorry for that. 😦

My mother had more problems with her health and I felt so inadequate in helping as she was feeling unwell. 

I also suffered from pain in my left hip, already since last autumn, and the pain started to affect my training and also other life, including sleep.

My health worsened from all the stress and I couldn’t work. I also got severely depressed and started to get panic attacks. I’ve been on sick leave since November.

I’ve been slowly gathering the pieces of my shredded life and moving from blackness of depression and despair back into light. I have lot of things to be happy about, and dozens of reasons to get back up and moving again.

I’ve gotten back to lifting and am rehabilitating my hip problem. It turned out to be gluteus medius muscle tendinitis and well as inflammation in my quadratus femoris muscle that lead to irritation of sciatic nerve and nerve pain and numbness of my left leg. I also have muscle tightness and hip control issues I’m working on with my physio. Now I’m happy to deadlift 100 kilos in workouts and bench over 50 kilos. But let’s not talk about my squat…

Getting back to deadlifting seriously after my break
Getting back to deadlifting seriously after my break

Both mine and my mother’s health and mental wellbeing are better. After my break-up just before Christmas (yes, again, I’m a bitch but I couldn’t help it) I moved in with my mother and we’ve been keeping each other company and helping out one another. We both have had someone to talk to and Franz has been getting lots and lots of petting and attention 🙂 ❤ . I’ve just now gotten back to my normal HC dose after over 2 months of stress dosing, and as I’m sleeping 10-12 hours every day, I feel more alert and have more energy. I try not to think how things will go when I get back to work in March. It’s still one month away.

My dear Franz has been invaluable in cheering me up ❤ ❤ .

Franz not-so-happy about -25 degrees Celcius...
Franz not-so-happy about -25 degrees Celcius…
Enjoying milder degrees and nice winter weather
Enjoying milder degrees and nice winter weather

My friends have been unbelievable with their support. I can’t thank them all enough – you all know who you are! I’ve gotten a place to sleep when I’ve needed it, company when I’ve felt lonely, someone to talk to over phone, travel companions, help with taking care of Franz… I’m truly blessed.

On a cruise to Stockholm with my friend Suvi <3
On a cruise to Stockholm with my friend Suvi ❤
Brunch time in Stockholm center!
Brunch time in Stockholm center!
We also saw some dinosaurs in the Museum of Natural History
We also saw some dinosaurs in the Museum of Natural History
Sonata Arctica pulled an amazing gig at the Circus in Helsinki! <3
Sonata Arctica pulled an amazing gig at the Circus in Helsinki! ❤

I’m seeing someone new right now, and he’s made me so happy ❤ . Let’s just leave it at that for a moment 😉 …

Never quit.

xoxo,

Veera

 

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