Franz’s surgery went well and he’s recovering – almost too well! He should have bed / cage rest for whole five weeks before check up but already he’d very much like to play and run around as usual. I’m thinking we’re going to have soooo much trouble with my little boy…
I wish I could say I’m as good as my beloved puppy. But I’m not. I simply crashed. Right now I’m on sick leave until end of next week and Midsummer’s Eve but I can’t really say if I’m up to working until much, much later… 😦
On Tuesday I went to swim with my friend. I was already exhausted from the weekend even though my mother had helped with Franz as he was already anxious with his movement restrictions and was crying a lot at nights. I slept and slept. I was supposed to train with my coach but I was so tired I only did some Oly technique practice with bar for 15 minutes and called it a day.
On Tue evening, I went to see Muse at Helsinki’s Hartwall Arena. My friend had an extra ticket and was so nice to try and cheer me up after really hard time I’ve had recently ❤ . I haven’t listened to them a lot, but I can say I’m a new Muse fan now! The show was great and they had an amazing live presence :). I really enjoyed the experience and had a wonderful time there. I would’ve liked to go and continue the evening with my friend and her brother and his fiance, but I was simply way too spent for that.
Pictures from Muse’s show:
On Wednesday I didn’t make it anymore. I had pushed my body that one inch too far. I was beyond exhausted. The brain fog was unimaginable. I couldn’t get my mind working. My muscles cramped and I was dizzy, weak and nauseous. This all even though I had slept, tried to rest as much I as could and had taken extra hydrocortisone. I only wanted to cry and stop existing. I knew I couldn’t handle work – I already had been on leave since start of June and had had to cancel my trip to EURORDIS Summer School in Barcelona. I wasn’t feeling any better, only getting worse. I was deeply afraid I’d make a mistake at work and a patient could suffer. And I was so tired I almost had a panic attack just thinking that I had intense two weeks of work ahead of me. So now I’m resting at home. I haven’t been able to do much more. I’m taking tons of HC and just lying on the sofa. I hope things will get better.
I know the last few months have taken such a hard toll on me that this collapse was probably inevitable. Now that my mother’s move, Franz’s surgery and my travels are over for now, I truly wish I can finally recover and have the willpower and wisdom to give myself enough time to do so before returning to work. The feelings of guilt and failure that I wasn’t strong enough, tough enough, to handle all the stress and work have been at times overpowering. I’m just happy I have such great bosses at work who know about my illness and understand that right now I’m not able to function and need time off.
Hopefully my next post will already be more lighthearted and with happy news,