Getting Better At “Just” Being

I’ve been feeling a bit sick and tired these last few days. I was looking forward to going to the gym – finally after all the hustle these past few weeks – but now I’ve just slept and rested. I’ve been running a little temperature and my asthma’s been acting up. This doesn’t feel like a cold, though. But as I don’t want to get “really” ill I’ve been trying to control my urges to go and lift weights. My body feels weak and I have no physical drive to go the gym really, it’s just my inner self that chastises me for being “lazy”. So far I’ve been able to resist working out or otherwise overexerting myself. If I don’t take care of my health, who will?

Since meeting my new endo, I haven’t had as bad steroid guilt as I used to have when updosing. Now I’m taking more HC to help my body recover and going by how I feel every day – at the moment it’s 45 mg HC per day which is 1.5 times my normal dose. Sounds high to many people (and most endos…) but this is the amount I feel I need right now. Even now I’m terribly tired at times, a bit dizzy and have a slight headache and muscle cramps. I really needed to hear that I am allowed to adjust my medication how I feel.

I’m finally starting to get better at listening to my body and my voice of reason :). Today I managed to sleep late, take a nap in the afternoon and resist the temptation to start cleaning up the house or do something else just for the sake of doing it. And I just left a meeting early so I could go home and rest more. It wasn’t so scary in reality! I simply said “excuse me, due to health issues I need to leave early”. No one gave me “the eye” or seemed disappointed. It really appears I’m the only one setting these absurd standards for myself. Nobody else cares.

I took a 30 minute walk earlier today and walked slowly but still got drenched in sweat and felt really tired. So I guess I should give myself some more time to recover from whatever this thing is that’s bugging me. I’m happy I got some fresh air and sunshine as it really lifted my spirits and I didn’t feel so deprived of all exercise. The weather was beautiful:

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Now I’m going put my woollies on and crawl next to my boyfriend to watch Supernatural. I’m not going to stretch or foam roll or do weird yoga poses or even wiggle my toes. I’m just gonna lie on the sofa and enjoy some quality time together <3. These long autumn evenings make for a great opportunity to cuddle up next to your loved one under a shared blanket – and today I won’t let my obsession of being efficient ruin my happy couple moment.

Image source
Image source

Keep calm, love autumn and take care,

xoxo,

Veera

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