After suffering one day too many from insomnia, I gave up and resorted to sleeping pills. It was wonderful to be able to sleep finally, and I felt almost normal yesterday. And no fever, yay! I really hate that my sleep problems tend to become chronic even when the original cause, whether an acute illness or stress, disappears. It appears I need to treat my sleep disturbances aggressively right away if I don’t want to have another episode of insomnia lasting for weeks. This really bugs me as I’ve never been a fan of sleeping pills, but now I simply had no choice as I was dead tired and still unable to sleep even with doubling my melatonin and trying relaxation etc.
As I was feeling better and a lot more alert, we went to the harbor yesterday with my mother. We ate some delicious ice cream and watched the tourists and city folk who had also come to enjoy the summer day. Here’s some pictures from the Lahti harbor:
I still wasn’t in a 100% shape so I only did some light stretching later in the afternoon. But in the evening I got a huge urge to go out. I went and walked around Pikku Vesijärvi, which is a small pond connected to Lake Vesijärvi near the harbor. It’s surrounded by a park area and is a very popular place to jog or have a picnic. The sun was already setting and weather had changed into cooler and crispier with a hint of autumn. It was really beautiful out there:
Right now I’m suffering from terrible fluid retention. I don’t know if it’s the heat or a hormonal issue but I’m so bloated I might burst any moment now. I can’t fit in my shoes, can’t get my engagement ring off my finger… On scale my weight has gone up 3.5 kg in a couple of days. I’m a horrible hippo. A bloated buffalo. The bags under my eyes end at my cheekbones.
I know it’s pitiful to whine about such a small nuisance considering I’ve been actually quite sick and this is nothing compared to what I or some other people have had to go through. But I can’t help it. I’ve fought nearly all my life with weight and body image issues. Every time I’ve started making progress with being satisfied with how I look, how my body feels and how I perform, life happens and usually takes it away. Now this water weight makes me feel really clumsy, awkward and fat. I have to focus on things I can control, such as my diet and attitude. Self-flogging doesn’t help. I will make peace with my intolerable, insubordinate body. Or go into nervous breakdown while trying :).
Wishing everyone a happy, zen-calm Wednesday,